Good enough?

We spend so much of our time, energy, money and emotional capacity  on working to feel ‘good enough’. Worthy of taking up space.

But does it work? Does it make a difference?

Days, weeks, months and years of our lives are given to striving for our worth, to feel good enough and accepted by others. We tell ourselves if we can be ‘good enough’ in the eyes of others, colleagues, friends and family then we will feel worthwhile, we will find peace, belonging and purpose but it somehow always just doesn’t feel enough...

Do you feel worthy when you study hard for that degree, when you work all hours for that promotion, when you go to bed late night after night working on ‘that project for the kids’… do you feel enough or do you find ourself at the beginning of that same ferus wheel going round and round on the cycle of striving for more, working harder but it not ever being enough. Sure - there are moments along the way where we find ourselves having a sense of achievement - joy - happiness - but it doesn’t last. There is another project needing completion, another task, expectation to meet and people to please. There seems to always be someone doing better, someone more successful, knowledgeable, more capable and simply just better than us. It’s a false promise and economy that if we just try harder, work smarter that somehow it will be enough and work out as it is meant to.

Is there a place where we can find purpose, worth, belonging and meaning without killing ourselves over it and where others views of us don’t cost us in the end what matters most? Ourselves, our families, our values and purpose? It maybe feels to good to be true.

I have spent much of my life people pleasing, looking after everyone else - before me … and somehow despite how hard I’ve worked, how hard I’ve tried I have often felt undervalued, not good enough, not wanted and even not loved. Maybe the problems me? …perhaps it could be… but I have realized that whether it’s partly me or others - I have power that is within my grasp where I can pause, stop and ask … do I want to live like this? Do I have to live like this? What can I change?

What is in my power that I can do to get off this wheel of striving and feeling undervalued? Is there anything I can do or is it all out of my control?

I have power to make changes and move towards a future where I don’t feel rubbish about myself, where I can access and be the person I want to be and deserve to be. However I do have to choose to set aside space - to see what get’s me on that wheel in the first place - why I keep choosing to turn up to life the way it is even when it may leave me feeling worthless and hopeless. If I want to get off this wheel - I need to be willing to make enough space in my life to work out how to get off.

It can feel scary to pause - to be still and to make space to ask some tough questions of ourselves. So often we want to point the finger at others … if they behaved the way they should, or if they hadn’t said that … then I wouldn’t be where I am so often goes our thinking. This may be true. But the reality is - what and why others have acted the way they have is not in our control… what is … is us and the choices and responses we give.

If you could pause today, to take an hour out to stop and be… to be honest - what would you say about who you are? Where you are at? What you want in your life? Where you want to go?

Might there be room for another conversation? One that could feel a little uncomfortable but equally one that could take you to a new place you’ve not been before - where there are new possibilities? A different perspective?

Perhaps our belonging, purpose and meaning that we all seek is not found in working harder but in creating space to think, ask the right questions and move forward into a new space with new possibilities.

What can you do today to create space to think and find some time to start to process a different conversation?